Something to Live For
“Nothing helped me realise how precious life is as much as this trip did.”
Charlie pictured out in Ensenada
Hi My name’s Charlie
I gave myself a question when writing this speech. What does M10 mean to me?
My involvement with M10 was through their missions project, when Stephen Riley came into my school and presented it to my year group back in 2021. He explained that we were going to travel to Mexico, to help the community over there as well as building a house for a family. Even though it sounded like the scariest thing at the time to travel to a completely different country, with a bunch of people I'd never met, and leaving my family at home..I asked where to sign up…it sounded like a pretty cool thing to do.
Before I get into the trip itself, I would like to explain why I initially did the trip to start with.
I lost my dad back in 2013, where he unfortunately took his own life. Being only 7 years old at the time, it was a pretty hard thing to deal with. Not only did I not have that father figure in my life anymore, but also seeing my Mam having to deal with two kids, who were quite confused on why their dad had done what he did. For a few years, I received counselling and therapy to understand why things were the way they were at that point.
Unfortunately, even with all the help and support I had, my mental health started to significantly decline. I struggled to stay in school, always wanted to be alone, and quite honestly did not want to be alive anymore.
One of the main influences in my life apart from my family, was my school mentor, and the late Alan Shields. But even with his love and support, it still wasn’t enough to stop me from wanting to take my own life.
Everyone was quite worried, as I wasn't myself and I kept self harming and couldn't go two days without it. And unfortunately it did get to the point where I had made a plan. I had the date. I knew how I was gonna do it. And was most certain I was going to do it. At that point there was no other option for me.
So the day finally came. I was dragged into school, and Mr Shields would not leave my side. I very quickly realised that I wasn't getting away with anything, while he was watching me.
After school, my mam picked me up and took me home. I got through the front door and went straight upstairs to my room. I sat down and looked at myself in the mirror. I got myself quite angry, as I hadn’t done the plan that I had in mind and ended up punching the mirror. And yes the mirror did win, and I ended up in the rake lane hospital with a pretty bad hand. After waiting a stupid amount of time, I left with a cast and got home. I then sat with my mam for the rest of the night. Watching the clock tick. 11:57, 11:58, 11:59, Midnight. I was still alive. At that moment I kinda realised that my plan I had was a pretty stupid idea, and I needed to start taking the support I had. And very very fortunately this is when Stephen came in to present this trip to us.
So…I went on the trip back in 2022, with a group of volunteers, where we travelled for 28 hours to Ensenada, Mexico. The many things we did there included visiting the rehab centres where we heard from the people who were residents there, visiting the dump where in our eyes was a rubbish centre, but in their eyes was home, We gave them supplies and water. We also spent a day in an orphanage and spent time with the children, listening to their songs, and playing with them in the yard. As well as the kinda big thing…building this house for a family who previously lived in a cardboard box, with an OXXO sign as their roof. When you watch the adverts online, or the TV you don’t quite realise what it’s actually like till you’re standing right there next to the people who are suffering. It’s the most surreal thing to experience.
I know that I, personally, didn’t quite believe that people do actually live like this. But I very quickly realised it was definitely true, and in some cases unfortunately worse than what you see on the TV.
Even though I had gone through years of therapy sessions, and trauma work, nothing helped me realise how precious life is as much as this trip did. I had never felt more proud of myself, than when I got off that plane back into the UK and was able to tell all my friends and family about what I had done.
So thank you to everyone who helped me get to this point. And a special thank you to my mam who has never left my side during this whole journey. You may remember at the beginning of this speech, I asked myself what does M10 mean to me. The answer is one word.
LIFE.
